Green Eggs and Cam Newton

"No I will not eat green eggs and ham, Cam I am."

Cam Newton, scheduled to be the Carolina Panthers' number one, has just been given the playbook as homework before the season starts. However, there has been some 'adjustments' in the playbook to help Cam Newton learn the book quickly. In other words, the Carolina organization has 'dumbed-down' the book in order for Newton to understand the basics.

Here lies the issue. In an interview, Newton said: "That's Dr. Seuss compared to doggone Shakespeare". I interpret this in a few different ways.
First, Newton is referring to the difference in difficulty of the playbook compared with others, he basically said the Carolina Panthers needed to dumb it down so he can understand it.
Secondly, he is suggesting the Carolina Panthers do not trust his reading skills.
Thirdly, Newton has a hard time reading Shakespeare.
Fourthly, the Carolina Panthers are simpletons.
Fifthly, Shakespeare is superior to Dr. Seuss.
For more on this, read about it here.


In light of this, I took it upon myself to create the new cover of the playbook:

I feel it is appropriate, the top right corner would naturally display the Panthers' logo.

It appears Newton is happy with his contract and for his sake, I hope he gets some media training in Carolina before he moves forward. Carolina, who went 2-14 last year, is looking to the young QB to step it up. Still, he needs PR.
Next post: 'Newton Hears a Who' and 'One Miss Two Miss, Starting QB Back Up QB'.

I wish him well and as Anthony Jeselnik once said: you should probably read more.

Two minutes for two idiots, and Tiger Woods and Kevin Durant

No Class
Someone tell me what happens when athletes are on the off season and have time on their hands?
In one night, two 'class acts' got into trouble. Big time.

Making news today, August 5th, 2011:

Last night, Sean Avery was arrested after he pushed a cop. Apparently he was taunting the police by referring to them as 'Fat, Little Pigs'. After challenging them, he was arrested. AND now, he needs some PR, quick.

Last night, Michael Beasley pushed a fan in the face. He was being heckled at a streetball tourney at Dyckman in Washington. Consequences at this time are unknown but what we do know is that his reputation is about to take a hit. And now, he needs some PR, quick.

Haven't heard from either of these guys since the incident. I guess it is true that you only get one phone call when you're in jail.

Speaking of losers, Tiger Woods is looking to shoot worse than par this weekend. Does he still have what it takes or should we expect him to continue his slump. Tune in next week!
Either way, we all know his PR team is excellent and his media training is impeccable. Expect a sob story about his game not being up to 'par' and his failure to 'approach' his "drive" to win. If you didn't catch those, here's a glossary of golf terms.

On the plus side, let's look at the good things Kevin Durant is doing for the community, Oklahoma City Thunder and the NBA. Here's a look at his 'schedule' for the month of August (via TheScore.com):

  

His involvement in the community is quite impressive. Despite blowing out each opponent he faces single-handed, his impact on the regular, everyday people he is playing against is priceless. (I guess you can read more about Kevin Durant's social responsibility somewhere else, if you want to. I don't recommend leaving this blog though...ever.) This outreach will prove to enhance Durant's presence in the community and his worldwide reputation. He needs PR (in order to put this story in the press).

Too bad all athletes can't behave like Kevin Durant.

NHL Awards: Missing the Wide-Open Net

The NHL Awards took place last night. On a night where the glitz, glam and fashion statements (read Kevin Smith Jersey and Jorts) come out, it was probably the worst awards show I've witnessed. If you missed it - you can check it out here but you don't have to.

To begin, the duration of the red carpet was 2 hours...I had no idea the NHL Awards were close competition to the Oscars?
Jay Mohr, who I actually (normally) enjoy, botched his emcee duties.
Drying paint got bored of his jokes. His spoof of 24/7, called 24/6 (Hilarious duplication! Get it!? 24/6 not 24/7) was not funny.

Jon Hamm put you to shame, sir, even though he loves the Blues.

Who invited Dierks Bentley? I still don't know who he is and I was watching.

Historically, the NHL Awards are an opportunity to reward the players who have stood out in the league and made a difference in their communities. It is a PR dream to showcase the highlights that individuals have played throughout the season, on and off the ice. This is the one chance that the NHL can finally say that they are doing good in the community as well as fuel the egos of the young stars who performed particularly well. They tried, but unfortunately, the award show turned out mundane.

I ask an important question: How can you fail to mention the important people that passed away this year, some of which had a major impact on the NHL?

Derek Boogard became the first player in NHL history to die of concussion complications in the millennium of 'increased player safety'. Pat Burns, one of the most influential coaches ever, wasn't credited.

And what was with the American patriotism. I'm all for American Troops and what not, but seriously, it's also a Canadian game. Where were the mounties presenting awards? It seemed to me that despite the Ryan VS Ryan segment, the awards missed that point that hockey is truly Canadian.

I thought Tim Thomas's mustache was going to get up off his face and beat up Luongo and Schneider during the William Jennings (award for least goals against in the regular season).



In terms of acceptance speeches, here's a note for players: PRACTICE YOUR SPEECH! How can Jeff Skinner go up to the podium, attempt to wing it and have no clue what to say. If he didn't say 'uhhh' after every word it wouldn't have been the worst acceptance speech. Zeppelin were upset with how much he rambled on. Ok, bad joke but seriously Jeff, you're a rookie; you need to show that you're serious and professional about your job (that DOES include public speaking by the way).


So to Jeff Skinner and Corey Perry: You need media training. You need Trill PR.

Despite a decent award night for Daniel Sedin, seeing this photo made me smirk a little bit more:

So after all the mentions of hot topics: the Vancouver riot (Mohr said Vancouver is the marijuana capital of the planet - I say Amsterdam), Canada getting a new team (Atlanta was the butt of all jokes), the booing of Bettman at the Cup presentation (round of applause?), concussion syndrome a la NHL Poster Boy Sidney Crosby and many others (uncomfortable silence); the NHL awards and Gary Bettman failed to clean up the messy loose ends that will undoubtedly tie-up the off-season, full with drama and speculation.


One thumb up for Alex Burrows, who showed enjoyment after being insulted.

Case Study: PR Lesson on How to be the Pittsburgh Penguins Comm. Dept.

Pittsburgh Penguins PR department have had their hands full.
Here's a look at the roller coaster of events that they have dealt with in the last few months and how they have handled them.
I call this section: PR 101

Evgeni Malkin out with season ending surgery.
How the PR Team did: B-
What is more than a nightmare for the team became irrelevant as the Penguins clinched fourth spot. There was internal knowledge of the state of Malkin's knee, so an explanation to the public was relatively simple and they delivered a good message: "It's bad. He's done for the season."


Sergei Gonchar, top defenseman, traded.
How the PR Team did: A
Dealing with the explanation of trades are actually relatively easy for the PR team. They often stick the spokesperson at the helm with some media training (or not) and let them answer the tough questions. It's the coaches/GMs career on the line; and no one else. In this case: "Gonchar is old and expensive".


Captain Canada aka Sidney Crosby suffered two consecutive vicious hits in early January and was concussed.
How the PR Team did: C-
Plans to return any day, now...but the PR team has said that for over a month now. It's time to be clear - is he playing in the playoffs or not? Their response: "We're not taking risks".
OK BUT WHEN WILL HE PLAY AGAIN!?

Lastly, the Penguins had to deal with GM (Super) Mario Lemieux's comments about head shots and dirty play from specific players in the league (to remain unnamed) seems quite satirical considering this...

Matt Cooke - A goon amongst gentlemen

How the PR Team did: A+
He has been suspended for his sixth time in 800 games, this time, for the remainder of the season (14-plus-games). Cooke has only 300 points but managed to rack up just under 1000 PIMers in his career (988), more than one minute per game.
Complete knucklehead - but despite this, he has a great PR team around him. He publicly admitted he has to change his game and what he is doing is inappropriate conduct.

Good work PR team! Next, keep Matt Cooke out of the papers after his next stunt (which will happen) and you're communications department will remain the best kept secret in the NHL.

I guess winning a Stanley Cup pays the bills for the future - what happens next year?!

Last-Call Pick Up – A Quick Look at Upcoming Free Agency

Easy-pickings.

It’s past last-call, the house lights are on and people begin to clear out of the club. As desperation sets in, each man begins to pick up a prospect and plan the rest of the night quickly before competition settles in. But there’s always one lonely, drunk, unattractive girl in the middle of the dance floor (who just can’t find a man) and similarly, here is a list of the players that have yet to be asked to ‘dance’, either.

Take a brief look at this table. I’ll wait. Done? Great.

Salary shredding has been the theme for this years trade deadline and as of July 1, the above players will be on the market. The NHL may have a public relations nightmare with the drama about to succumb since half of the teams will have money but no affordable players. Get used to it, Bettman.

Who’s worth picking up?

Richards! Undoubtedly the best player amongst the rest of these misfits since the Notables will definitely be re-signed faster than BizNasty2point0 will be able to tweet about it. Any team could use a Brad Richards-esque player but the New York Rangers and Toronto Maple Leafs will be the two top-contenders in the bidding war.

Forget about other Centres - Brooks Laich, J. Arnott and M. Handzus who aim to compete for a third line position (maybe second-line-centre for the Senators).

Tim Connolly should have been taken off this list since he’s numbers are ghost like Swayze.

The left-winger market is so pathetic; I wouldn’t even touch them with Chara’s stick.  Sitting second to Richards is Simon Gagne, despite his translucent play for the Bolts. Gagne’s contract will be unbelievable (upwards of $6-million/year) but I’m sure his agent is happy. Gagne’s pitch to teams will likely include: a Social Media Press Release (SMR), a YouTube video of why he would like to play for them, and mention of his Facebook, Fliqr, Del.ic.ious, Digg and Twitter pages. His contract is set to be: non-negotiable, non-refundable, not-two-way with a no-trade clause and, like his play this year, non-existent. Not worth purchasing him, in my opinion.

*Note: All other FA right-wingers are in their mid 30s.

Vokoun and Bryz are both decent goalies but Vokoun will be pushing 35 this year and Bryzgalov will undoubtedly want an obscene contract extension with Phoenix.

Phoenix Coyotes

Money needed for buyout: $200-Million

Paying Bryzgalov’s next contract: $70-million

Keeping up with maintenance fees: $5-million

Staying out of the red: $100-million

Keeping their franchise alive: pricey.

I hope you enjoyed a quick glance at the free-agency market, as bare as it is.

Canada's rate of child obesity in children is rising - CSN Stores maybe the answer

 

It's no mystery why American kids are fat. They love fatty foods, sitting on the couch playing video games and WATCHING sports; as opposed to playing them. So here's an idea to make sure our beloved Canadian children do not follow the path of our southern friends. I'm on a site right now, called swingsetsandmore.com. It offers brand name swingsets, bikes, trampolines and tons of other accessories for bargain prices. CSN Stores has over 200 online stores where you can find anything you need whether it be swingsets, fitness equipment, or even cookware!

It's pretty dope, actually.

If your kid doesn't like sports or finds themselves not fitting in with athletics at school, you need to hook him/her up with a trampoline! Provides endless physical exercise and tons of fun! Haven't you seen gymnasts' bodies? They're unreal.

If your kid is already over weight, a swingset will help them develop a fit core and build leg strength to get rid of that nonsense and become healthy and comfortable again.

SO - Here's the deal:

The first person to check out this site and comment on it below will win a $25 gift certificate to CSN Stores!

CHECK IT OUT NOW!

http://www.swingsetsandmore.com/

KO's and Oks for the UFC

Chael goes to jail.

 Well, maybe.
Dana White has put Chael Sonnen's career in the UFC on hold after Sonnen had been convicted of money laundering. He illegally transferred $69,000 into his account; how? I don't know. Something to do with plumbing. But it happened. Read more here.

In a press conference yesterday, Dana White made the right call by announcing that Sonnen will be put on 'time-out' until he gets his personal life together. Sonnen's manager also made a statement saying Sonnen plans on complying with authorities (UFC and other) in order to make this event go over as smoothly as possible. 

A good move on Dana White's part since the UFC is still struggling to enter their ideal market and join the ranks of the cable TV network that includes the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL. However, as White tries to legitimize MMA more and more, his efforts are still quite different from other leagues. Simply banning an athlete from a fight may actually be more detrimental to their career than in any other sport.

MMA fighters have a maximum amount of fights that they are allowed in a year. In fact, UFC fighters range between 2-3 a year to 12 times (once a month - if the doctor clears them and rarely does this happen). In considering this, top pay-per-view fighters are looking at $500,000 (GSP made $400k for UFC100) at contract; including bonuses and not including endorsements. For someone of Sonnen's caliber, provided his sponsor(s) drops him, he may be missing out on between $200,000 - $300,000. 
My favourite part about this - he only laundered $60,000. That's not even half of what he could of made at UFC 128.


Here are my predictions for UFC 126:

• Middleweight Championship bout: Anderson Silva (WINNER) vs. Vitor Belfort^[1]
• Light Heavyweight bout: Forrest Griffin vs. Rich Franklin^[1](WINNER)
• Welterweight bout: Jake Ellenberger vs. Carlos Eduardo Rocha^[1](WINNER)
• Light Heavyweight bout: Jon Jones (WINNER) vs. Ryan Bader^[1]
• Bantamweight bout: Miguel Torres (WINNER) vs. Antonio Banuelos^[1] 

Well there you have it. I'm out.

And remember...when you're in the eyes of the public: it's better to be safe than sorry.